Let me begin by stating that I am no supporter of road rage. In fact, my daily 1 hour, 20 minute commute affords me valuable time to myself, reflecting and listening to my favorite music. I try to follow the rules of the road, and be polite to my fellow drivers. That being said, I have been known to involuntarily curse in front of my child/mother/grandmother when some idiot driver cut me off. I secretly rejoice when that car that just had to pass me, gets stuck behind an even slower-moving vehicle. And perhaps I may have purposely slowed down a time or two when some moron feels the need drive so close to my rear bumper that when I look in my rear-view mirror, it appears as though they are sitting in my back seat. For the most part though, I consider myself a safe, conscientious driver.
Because of the amount of time I spend on the road, I am witness to many behaviors I feel need to be addressed. Now I don’t know how much you remember from Driver’s Education, but for me it is mostly a blur, punctuated only by the emotionally scarring Red Asphalt (which is pretty much the Driver’s Ed equivalent of Scared Straight). I have compiled my own set of rules for the road. Here is a list of some of the things I wish were taught in those classes:
- Parking: When selecting a parking space, consider that you are not the only one who needs to enter and exit your vehicle. Believe or not, most human beings require more than a 4” space to crawl into their car. If you choose to park your vehicle using the “I am the only person in the universe” logic, just don’t be surprised when you find a dent in your door.
- Merging: Ego is really the problem here. There is no valid reason for not wanting that car to merge in front of you other than the fact that they will be in front of you. P.S. Darting into the next lane to avoid the merging conflict altogether is a total copout, and will likely only gain you the wrath of the drivers in that lane.
- Turn Signals: Not just steering wheel accessories, these helpful wands magically inform the driver behind you that you will no longer be driving in a straight line. Try as I might, I have not been able to master the skill of mental telepathy. There aren’t many driving functions that require less effort either. You probably utilize more muscle groups tuning your radio.
- Speed Limits: If you are behind me, and I am driving at the posted speed limit, don’t upset yourself, consider this my gift to you; the gift of not having to pay for a speeding ticket.
- Bumper Stickers: Pointless, distracting and annoying. I should not be able to tell everything about you by looking at the back of your car. I don’t care what religion you are, what political party you support, what music you listen to, if you have a baby on board, what your other car is, or that wrangler butts drive you nuts. I also could care less how many people are in your family (often represented by turtles, stick figures, etc.) Evolution, creation, does it really matter? (Hey look, we’re driving horseless carriages!) Once in a great while, I will see a really clever one (see below), but still, you just put a sticker on a really expensive piece of machinery!
- Privacy: Hey, I can see you picking your nose! Gross!
There are too many to list of course, and feel free to comment with your own contributions. I leave you with these final tips for happy, safe driving: be polite, pay attention, be respectful, and consider that the driver next to you just might be having worse day than you are.
